Personal Triumph...

Disclaimer: This is more for journaling purposes for me. If you don't feel like knowing that much about the inner workings of my soul, STOP READING NOW! ;)

A few days ago, I "parted ways" with the boy who had been occupying much of my time for the past six months. It was a sad day, for both, not a hurtful or angry day, just sad. If you know me at all, you know that I end up staying friends with the people I date and this will be no exception. He is a great person who I care for and respect. It was just one of those times where it just wasn't working. Sometimes you can be with great people and either they just aren't great for you or there is a factor of timing. In our case, it was a combination of the two, but nonetheless, still a GREAT person.

So why am I blogging about this? Well its not for attention or sympathy, its because of the uniqueness of this particular situation for me. Normally, my routine after a break up is to wallow for a few days and then to begin to analyze. No matter the circumstance I tend to blame myself. Even in the past when I have been treated poorly, I have thought such as "If I were ________, maybe it would have happened this way.." or " If I was more like________, maybe he would have been more _______". I put myself through misery for days, weeks or months, wondering what was so wrong with me! Now don't get me wrong, I don't go to a suicidal state or anything dramatic like that, I just pick myself apart.

This time it has been different. Yes, I have had my moments of sadness and the weird transition loneliness that comes from breaking the ties, but all in all, I feel really good. I don't want this to come out as if I didn't care about the person so I am jumping for joy or anything, but I feel really good. I consider it a sign of true happiness. I know who I am and I am content with my life. I haven't once felt as if I could have done more or that it was something I did or could have done. This was a relationship that was tough for me at first for me to commit to, but I learned a lot. I gave my full effort beacuse I thought I should and I grew.

Yes, the thought of starting over and going on yet another first date is NOT my idea of fun, BUT I am so grateful for the opportunity that I have been given to grow and progress. I am not eloquent and maybe not making a lot of sense to this point, but I wanted to finish with a few lines from a song that I truly feel expresses how I feel looking at the past two years of my life.

We are crushed and created,
we are melted and made,
we are broken and built,
in the very same way

What I thought I could handle,
what I thought I could take,
what I thought would destroy me,
leaves me stronger in its wake.

Good thing the Lord knows me better than I know myself. :)