A Recent Realization

Not long ago I was having a conversation with one of my oldest friends about life and in this discussion he said, "Morgan, you can have whatever you want". Immediately, I answered somewhat bitterly that I couldn't have whatever I wanted and I had proof of that. There are things that I want in this life that I just can't have. I don't know the reason and in some cases I probably don't deserve to get what I want. Now, don't get me wrong I am not complaining. It is just interesting to me. There are a lot of things that I want for my life, good things even, that will just never happen. I can accept that. But sometimes it is hard and sometimes I don't understand. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about this conversation. I know what I want but at times I am unsure how to get there. I love my life and marvel at the opportunities that I have had so I don't want to sound ungrateful, but its true. I have struggled recently feeling guilty or stupid for wanting more, but I feel justified. I want good things, I want challenges, I want growth just in a new way. I was reading recently in one of my favorite chapters in the scriptures and came to an interesting realization. The Lord was talking to Nephi(son of Helaman) and told him that all would be done according to his will. This blessing of having every word he said fulfilled was given to him because the Lord knew that he would do nothing that would go against the will of the Lord. It hit me that its true, I can have whatever I want, but I have to make sure that what I want is what the Lord wants as well. Of course, that is what I have always wanted but it is not always so simple. So for now, since I am not getting what I want right now, I have decided to do all I can to really seek out what the Lord wants for me. In the process, I know I will find greater peace and hope in the sadness or disappointment that comes with not getting what I want right now. I am just glad that there is someone much smarter than me, and He is in charge. It is just going to take a little more humility to accept His will.